FAYETTEVILLE, HAS MY TIME COME?
(This is the first Pic I ever saw of Fayetteville on a moving pkt. I received in Oct. 1994)
November 24, 1994, that's the date that Mark and I moved to Fayetteville from Jonesboro, AR. We were so very excited, moving to Fayetteville was like moving to a whole new world for both of us. There were things to do, different restaurants, nightlife, liquor stores (Jonesboro was in a dry county), and so many new things to see and do. But, alas, 11 years later, I have begun to tire of the charm of this Athens-Like city in the Ozarks. I know many of you who read this blog have once lived here, and..have now moved on to bigger and better places. So my question to myself is this... Am I ready for a transition again, and..am I too old and too stable here to do it? Ive been looking for the answers, and honestly... I cant really find a "REAL" reason to leave other than I just may well want too.
Fayetteville is on the grow, moving up, moving forward and ideally, getting better by the day... But that still doesn't have me convinced that I want to spend another 11 years here. Another factor in my dilemma is being single in Fayetteville... What can I say, those of you who have lived here know exactly what im talking about...Fayetteville is NOT the best place in the world to be single, especially if you want something more.
I have a great deal of history now that has been archived in my mind from Fayetteville...Friends, Relationships, Good times, Bad times, etc. But I just wonder if there is more out there, and, if in fact a bigger city would answer my aching need for more life. Anyone care to input on this? I know many of you have moved to larger cities from Fayettevile so I ask you this..Is it REALLY that much different?? I mean sure, there are bigger buildings, more restaurants, more shopping, more people..but the LIFE is the part I am interested in hearing about. I can drive to cities to get more shopping, dining etc. But what I'm after is... well.. a better life in general as far as dating, living etc.
So, on goes my quest for the future, at nearly 35 (March 14th), I'm wasting time sitting here trying to decide... You guy's have all known me for years, many of you for decades, so tell me... "Is there life out there?"Kel
posted by Kel at 11:01 AM
3 Comments:
MASturdivant@dstsystems.com wrote:
This came from Mark Sturdivant, the "Mark" I refer to in the beginning of the blog.... very strong opinion of me leaving!
Hello there.
I can't "blog" at work and my home PC is not working because my phone
lines
have been obliterated in the massive remodel I'm almost finishing up at
my
house.
So.... until I can "blog" I'll just give you my thoughts via email.
I fondly remember when we moved to Fayetteville in the fall of 1994.
It was the largest city either of us had ever lived in and we were both
very excited. I also remember when I left Fayetteville back in August
of
1999 not long after graduating from college. It was extremely difficult
to
actually do it. It was easy to sit around and talk about it, dream
about
it, etc... but actually doing it was no walk in the park. I wasn't even
going too far away, just down to Little Rock. My first 6 months in
Little
Rock were rough. I had few friends and a couple of short relationships
that didn't amount to anything. Basically I was very lonely, hating my
job, drinking way too much, and becoming a regular lush at Backstreet.
For
some reason in the spring of 2000 something clicked. I guess it was
that
Fayetteville had lost its grip on me because I started enjoying Little
Rock, and for the first time I realized that Fayetteville isn't as
great as
all the locals make it out to be. Quite honestly, it didn't take me
long
to be able to look at Fayetteville with disgust and feel sorry for
those
people stuck there who honestly think they live in such a great place.
By
the summer of 2000 I thought (and still to this day think) that Little
Rock
was a much better place to live than Fayetteville.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think Fayetteville has some great qualities
and I very much enjoyed my 5 years spent there. What led me to hate
Northwest Arkansas was how two dimensional life is, even in the small
but
somewhat existent "gay-life". Everybody in Fayetteville is forced to
fit
into a small list of stereotypes. Basically, one is forced to be what
everybody thinks they are or should be and they cannot truly be
themselves.
The gossip, the backstabbing, the betrayals... all of this occurs
everywhere, it's just human nature, but it's the epicenter of culture
(probably because there is a complete lack thereof) in Fayetteville.
For
those of us who live in or are very familiar with the bigger American
cities I make the following analogy. Fayetteville can be equated to a
snooty mid to upper middle class suburb. In the bigger cities these
suburbs are balanced out by all the culture and diversity of the
surround
areas, however, with Fayetteville, there is nothing else to balance. So
yes, just like the suburbs, nobody will deny that Fayetteville is a
nice
place with nice people. However, as hopefully we all know, there is so
much more to life than the cute little houses that all look alike full
of
the cute little people who act, think, dress, worship, work, and judge
alike who have very little tolerance for anything and everything that
is
different from their own little view of the world.
There is SO much out in the world beyond Fayetteville, but yet I look
back at Fayetteville with nostalgia. I had a great time there during
college and I wouldn't trade the memories or friendships for anything
in
the world, but just as I outgrew high school, I also outgrew college.
Fayetteville is a great college town. It's a great place to establish
your
independence and learn to stand on your own two feet. It's also a very
safe town, but take a look at the town with a critical eye. Think about
the people, the government, the attitudes... it's as if everybody
stopped
growing up at around 20 years old and lost all motivation to ever be
anything more than who or what they are. College was great, but it was
just a stage of life and not a destination. The same is how I view
Fayetteville. It was just a stage in my life and it served a great
purpose, but I have moved on and have done so much more with my life. I
have met so many wonderful people, and have had many great experiences
that
I would never have had in Fayetteville.
Of course, the above statements are very broad and I know there are
some great people who choose to make Northwest Arkansas their home for
many
reasons. If that is their choice and they are happy with it, then more
power to them. I wish them nothing more than continued happiness. But
to
those of you contemplating if there is a better place the answer is an
absolute YES! Leave the town, leave the security blanket, and get out
and
find the truly 3 dimensional world that exists outside of Fayetteville
where you can truly be who you want and live your life however you
please
without the constant scrutiny of the small minded people of a small
town!
Yes, I said small town. Fayetteville is a small town no matter how
"big"
the locals think it is. Life is truly VERY different in a bigger city
and
there is no substitute for the experiences of living in different
places.
And Kelly, remember, if you leave Fayetteville you can always go back.
Be prepared though...
If you leave for a place that you truly like, and not just another
ho-hum
town, when you return you will not recognize the town you left. No, not
from the "explosive" growth (believe me... you haven't seen growth
until
you live in big city like Dallas where the entire population of
Fayetteville moves in every 6 months) but what you will see is what I
have
been describing. A very tired little city with tired little people who
will never amount to anything more than what they already are.
Leaving Fayetteville was the best decision I ever made and I have no
plans to ever live there again for my entire life. When I moved to
Fayetteville and for the 5 years I lived there I thought it was the
best
place on earth. Now I see it as a close minded conservative ghetto full
of
people who judge or people who let themselves be judged and no place I
would ever want to live. I know you have visited several large cities
and
I very much want to assure you that the restaurants, the malls, the fun
stuff... that's just the icing on the cake. What makes a city a city is
the people who live there. There is so much that you don't see and
don't
experience when you are just a visitor. So to answer your question,
yes,
yes there is so much more life out there than what you see in
Fayetteville
and no, you are never too old to make a change for the better!
Best of luck to you in making the decision!
Oh... and being single in a big city... FUN! Of course it gets old, but
the experience is a million times different than being single in a
place
like Fayetteville where you basically have to pick from the same group
of
people over and over and over.
OK, the comments are working now! ;-)
Let's see... First off, isn't "because I want to" reason enough? You're young (35 is not "too old" to experience new things. if I were there I'd slap ya!) and you aren't tied down, so there's no reason not to just do whatever you wanna do!
You're going to make new friends wherever you go, and the people there in Fayetteville that are true friends will always be in your life, one way or another. Just like us--you're in F'ville, I'm in Dallas, Blake is in NY/NJ, Mark is in MO. We don't get to go drinking and have breakfast at 3am like we used to--but we do keep in touch and see each other every now & then.
The biggest thing about moving to a bigger city--besides the shopping, restaurants, entertainment, etc.--is the number of people!! I know you're concerned about being single, so moving to a bigger city would improve your odds... more fish in the sea, so to say! lol
It's hard to pick up and move away from everything you know... but you know that--you've done it once by moving to F'ville, and you were successful. You can do it again if you want to! And if you don't like it, you've always got a place to go back home to.
Holy crap I just read Mark's novel! lol He has some excellent points--I never really compared Fayetteville to Highland Park, but I definitely see it now. lol
Yeah, I'd definitely give it a whirl. You're a people person, everybody likes you--you'll have no problem making friends. Like Mark said, being single in a big city really is FUN for a while. lol Remember all those fish I mentioned??? ;-)
Sometimes I miss going to the grocery store and running into somebody I know (actually that just happened a few weeks ago, so bad example--but you get the idea); but sometimes it's nice to go somewhere where nobody knows your name (opposite of Cheers).
Bottom line: I say GO FOR IT. You'll never know unless you give it a shot!
Move. Get your butt out.
I'll agree with Mark that getting out of fayetteville was the best thing that I've ever done.
Ever.
And not because Fayetteville is aweful. It's just a teeny tiny little place, and the gay folk tend to be snooty (present company excepted). Aside from that, the nature of the town means there's lots of "turn over", and it is really hard to live a constant happy homo life.
I made the decision to move and then moved within about a 21 day period. I wouldn't suggest *that* exactly, 'cause I think I got pretty lucky without it all turned out. Spend some time, travel to meet up with your peeps. Come to NY, go to Dallas, visit Denver, go to Chicago, Phoenix, Tampa, hell, wherever *seems* like a good place to live for you. Somewhere, you'll find a place that makes you go, "hmmmm.. this is my kinda place." For me, that ended up being NJ/NY after a stopover in Boston. Manhattan kicks the shit out of fayetteville, hands down. And there are no Wal-Marts.
Pick a spot and go there. It is hard, you'll have to make friends, but you'll live. In the end, you'll be better off for it.
For me, it took getting out of Fayetteville to figure out exactly who my real friends were. I'm still in contact with all of them, and we don't get to hang out two times a week, or even two times a year. But when we do, it's a hell of a throw-down.
Please, though, just make sure you go to a place where we'll all want to come visit ;)
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